A: The truth is you already know most of what I write about in Coachable Moments. My intention is to help you deepen your understanding of what you know for one simple reason: It's too important.

I recently received a letter that one of my clients, James, wrote about his experiences during our sessions. Here is just a small portion of what he had to say.

"I spent most of this past year in active addiction, only creating more stress and more pain for myself and others. I would describe my general condition as utterly hopeless and despaired. I truly felt that nothing at all could restore a sense of hope in me. I had been in treatment many times in the past, and really believed that after experiencing four years of being clean, only to throw it all away, that there was no hope left in a positive future for me.

Only a month later, it gives me great joy and serenity to say that I have found that hope again. While there have been many recent positive forces at work in my life that I can attribute this amazing turnaround to, the time I spent with Dan Eisner is at the top of my list.

The way Dan approached me was incredibly genuine. The material he shared was not radically new to me. However, the way he presented it reached me on such a deep level. Between his incredible teaching ability, his many examples and metaphors, and the fact that one can easily see Dan's lessons at work in his own life, I became highly interested in the approach that he takes.

With the use of recommended readings, honest conversations, hard work, and practice of these principles, I have already begun to change in ways that I thought impossible. And I have already yielded astonishing, concrete results in my life, the most significant being my relationship with my father.

My father, whom I've hurt deeply, is someone that a month ago admitted that it would be a long, long time before he could trust anything I say or do. Yet, just the other day, he expressed his own amazement at the fact that, for the first time in years, he actually believed

what I was saying. The fact that my father actually felt how genuine I am now is nothing short of a miracle, one that is invaluable beyond measure.

By sharing a combination of knowledge and personal experience, Dan teaches personal empowerment-the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. I sincerely hope that someday all health care providers incorporate these principles into their practice."

Why did James respond so well to me?

Steven Covey said it best: "seek first to understand, then to be understood." I knew that if I wanted James to understand the value of making emotional intelligence (i.e. awareness, or EQ) a priority in his life, I had to first demonstrate, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I understand and appreciate his current state of mind.

I said, "I'm not going to pretend that I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I can't possibly understand the circumstances of your life. However, I do know exactly what it's like to be stuck and believe that there is no possible way out. And I know from personal experience that the reason people get trapped in this state of mind is because they don't have a knowledge base that explains their behavior. The knowledge is really the picture of the puzzle that can make all the difference in the world; is this something you are interested in hearing about now?"

I would have lost him in an instant if I started with some sort of a pep talk, because he truly believes no one understands him and that nothing will help. He didn't need to hear advice that he's already heard a million times from yet another health care professional.

I didn't approach him as a "therapist" who could "fix" him or give advice, but rather as a gentle support offering him an option that he might find useful. And I made it abundantly clear that it was entirely his choice. I have no doubt that the information resonated with him so well for this reason. It literally just felt right.

At other times, with this client and others, I have been brutally direct and honest. As I develop my own awareness, I am better able to just know (i.e., intuit) the best approach in any given moment.

EQ is the foundation for how I live my personal and professional life. I couldn't possibly connect with people on such a deep level without making EQ a priority. Remember, EQ starts internally. We must first connect with our own higher self before we can connect with others.

Dan Eisner, OTR/L, is a certified life coach and has more than 10 years' experience in OT. He currently works in psychiatry at the University of Maryland Medical System, where he assists patients in developing emotional intelligence. As a coach, Dan's mission is to teach others how to coach themselves through any challenge. He is currently offering a seminar titled Simplified Stress Reduction: A Clinical Guide to Emotional Intelligence. Visit www.livinglogically.com or reach him at dan@livinglogically.com.